Dealing with Anger

Recent events in my life - in my family, community and even in the workplace taught me so much of "choosing the better part". At first, such events brought me to a dilemma - whether to express what I feel or simply ignore it as if nothing happened.

My disposition to every event is influenced by the kind of formation I had before with the Carmelite Fathers and Brothers, as well as by the way I was raised by my parents, and of course by the learnings I gained from past experiences.

Negative feelings lead to anger. And feelings are normal part of our psyche. When we are faced with unfavorable responses from various events and people within our family, community and workplace, we normally react negatively which may lead to anger depending on the degree of their effects to ourselves.

During my seminary days, I accepted to myself that sometime I tend to do any of the following wrongs ways in dealing with my anger involving events or people:

(1) Repress, when the person involved are dear to me. This called the "silent treatment."
(2) Express, when I and my loved ones are in trouble caused by undesirable events or people.
(3) Digress, when the event or people involved are in authority.
(4) Profess to be powerless, when an event or people causing anger is uncontrollable.

The psychological and spiritual formation I have gone through in Carmel, taught me to choose the better part of it...the correct ways to deal with my anger:

(1) Suppress, subdueing the negative expression.
(2) Assess, evaluating a situation objectively - considering the other person's perspective, and my contribution to the problem.
(3) Confess, humbly accept my fault and be ready for the consequences.
(4) Process, proceed to make it right.
(5) Access, communicating with God.

Dealing with anger should not be influenced by the most accepted ways dictated by the society or even by our own foolishness and stubborness. It should come from within where God resides. We should always bear in our mind that to be angry is normal but acting it out is a very disadvantageous to others and even to ourselves.

Proverbs (19:11 and 16:32) says: "A wise man restrains his anger and overlooks insults. This is to his credit." "It is better to be slow-tempered than famous; it is better to have self-control than to control an army."

Moreover, St Paul in his letter to the Ephesians (4:26-27) says: "If you are angry, don't sin by nursing your grudge. Don't let the sun go down with you still angry—get over it quickly; For when you are angry you give a mighty foothold to the devil."